Grocer Jacks Life Cast
A little site to keep tracks of the cast of my life. Some of these people are still there, others have been and gone, some will soon go.
My Family
Hellsbells - My wife, now aged 55, Mad as a March Hare. Heiress to The Coven. Works too hard. Plays too hard. Far too generous with our money by half.
Dingbat formerly Daisy formerly Alice - Nicknamed after the verger in Vicar of Dibley at one stage but moved to become Daisy from Not Going Out. Now usually just plain Dingbat mainly because of her ability to ask daft questions unrelated to anything in particular. Lovely but maybe the full ticket is a work in progress. Now living in her own home which makes me both happy and sad. Proud mother to my 2 lovely granddaughters
Pie or Goose - my having gained her MSc. Now starting to win debates....and still an expert in playing the 'poor student' card!
Chunk - Dingbats husband! He's a big bastard. Must have the patience of a saint to live with Dingbat. He seems to know everybody. Or everybody knows him.
Skank - middle brother, now 52, single again, trying to do everything right and has ditched th idea of working for a living. Left BA and now lives in semi-retirement having had a right result with his pension. Spends all his time brewing and drinking proper beer and somehow has ended up with a lovely intelligent girlfriend. Fuck knows how....
Dave - Re-united at Skanks wedding. A few pounds heavier (who isn't) and in tow with an obviously patient/mad girlfriend. Highly unreliable like a Morris Marina.
BigSykes - my brother in law, married to....
LittleSis - the youngest of the sisterhood and the weediest of The Coven despite the hard appearance. Ever so slightly psychotic, which is scary.
SmallSykes - another brother in law and former near total recluse like Howard Hughes minus the money. Now liberated thanks to some medical treatment which has eased the reason for his reclusive mature. Gives as much stick as he gets. Which is lots. Married to......
MiddleSis - the middle of the trio of sisters and the Hardest of The Coven despite the soft appearance. Unbelievably patient. Cannot drink but when she does, the 'head on a stick' conversion is instant. No one knows, not least her how much alcohol this takes.
Grand Master - the father of The Coven and husband to the Coven High Priestess. becoming brilliantly cantankerous and yet a sage old bugger.
Audrey Roberts - nee Medusa, nee Raptor, no longer becoming Camilla, The Coven's High Priestess. To be admired for her fearless attempts to use technology. Can silence every one of her daughters with one look.
The Boys - sons of MiddleSis, two non identical twins loafing their way through life as the late teens do. The third and youngest one is now a surly teen so...err...business as usual.
Owl Killer - daughter of LittleSis. A weird name this because she doesn't kill owl's, but spent some time at a local petting zoo and doing an animal course at college where it appears they feed live things to owls. It just seemed to fit at the time.
My Friends and other animals........
Mr Chelsea - my friend from the pub who supports the same team as me, unfortunately he doesn't realise this....his wife however.....
Mrs Chelsea - does realise this. Spends a lot of time time tutting at us :-)
Really, that's it........no-one else apart from some friends from France, who'll remain anonymous for now come close to being in this category.
My Fellow Inmates and The Screws
Things have changed beyond recognition in the faceless and increasingly W1A like organisation I work for. Every day introduces me to a new fuckwit hipster type who can barely speak a sentence without ' Yah' or ' like that's so cool' in it.
The Fuckwit Party - to be completed.....
The Ministry of Crap Design - a secretive civil service department, more secretive than MI5/6, with a mission statement to fuck our lives up by ensuring nothing EVER does what it says on the tin!
Chelsea FC - The love of my life. No matter how cruel to me they are.
The AirwayMen - a collective term for the bunch of thieves, robbers, charlatans and bastards that we know as The Airlines! Have a bigger right to legally rob us than the Inland Revenue!
W1A - the mega-corporation I work for. Becomes more Americanised and full of hipster fuckwittery day by day. Named after the brilliant comedy parody of the BBC which no doubt applies to many corporations these days. :-(
Cuntleyshire - the only county in a little known country of Cuntland occupying Planet Cunt. Housing all of the worlds utter cunts such as Arsenal FC, Arsene Wenger, Liverpool FC and its vile fans, my former boss hereby referred to as DH Cunt (I know who he is), Rafa Benitez (wherever he coaches), dustbin men, car park attendants, London Underground, the Train Operating companies, National Rail, any Local Authority, Microsoft, Museum Curators, SKY TV, lawyers, Bob Crow (deceased), ITV, The Daily Mail, Richard 'Dirty' Desmond, Katie 'Cuntbrain' Hopkins, Peter Hitchens, Rupert Murdoch, Michael Gove, Ian Duncan-Smith, UKIP in its entirety, Nigel Farage, Boris fucking Johnson.
The GoGB - The Guild of Grumpy Blokes - entry rules posted on an early blog - I am the founder and President for life.
Later Mugs, GJ
